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Posts Tagged ‘God’

The Lord’s prayer

Dear children,

I have been meaning to write to you for long. But never got around to it. Now the time has come when I cannot put off the unpleasant talk any longer. I’ve been dreading every second of waiting for this moment to come. Who would have thought that one day the creator would end up praying to his creations? No I’m not on my knees, I’m not rolling around a temple in wet clothes, I’m not going to print this out and tie it with a piece of yellow thread on a banyan tree or brainwash you saying the end is near and you will burn in hell if you do not read this. I am simply sitting in front of my PC and keying in this mail. Yes, it is only a mail if you choose to look at it that way but to me it is more than that. To me, it is a cry from the heart, a plea for mercy and ages of unshed tears put together. Ironic, is it not? To be truthful, I find it a bit humiliating but what has to be done has to be done. Please do not take offence to anything in this mail and go around burning temples, churches, dargahs and other places of worship to showcase your anger at me. Remember children, that we will definitely meet some day. We can settle scores then. Once and for all.

First of all, I have to tell you how difficult my job is. For example let us just consider one day. Today. In Earth, I have approximately 346528364 prayers being sent to me in all possible means every second. Right from how Raju wants help to clear his entrance exam to join LKG to Yangste Ki who desperately needs the rare AB- blood to save her husband who’s in the hospital to Abdul-Muhaimin in the Guyanese river basin who wants to catch a Piranha for dinner tonight. You get the drift don’t you? Add to this the Martians, Venusians and all other life forms alien to you. And then I have to be present at 237252930346297383633 places of worship including churches, temples, mosques, Kabbalah centres, gurudwaras, etc during the prayer times. I have to be there for Mundakarumaariamman kovil கூழ் ஊத்துற function as well as the Ramadan season fasting prayers. I have to be at so many places at the same time that I’m finding it so difficult to be omnipresent. And I have to take up the million identities you have thrust on me, that I am getting a multiple personality disorder. I have to monitor tsunamis, earthquakes, volcano eruptions, flood situations, droughts, famines and terrorist attacks since prayers at a huge scale are directed towards me from regions affected by these. And above all I have to save the ecosystem, flora, fauna and your fellow human beings, who you are so keen on destroying ruthlessly day after day. Tough job? You bet.

I know you have little time for lectures from God (you are too busy killing yourselves in my name). But I have to tell you some more about my job. My job has three faces to it – Creation, Sustenance and Destruction. I would like to believe that you all are being too kind these days. You seem to be hell bent too keen to share my work and make life easier for me by creating and destroying by yourselves at such an astonishing rate. You are, in fact, creating more than I can sustain and destroying much more than I ever want to destroy. For one, making holes in the ozone layer and destroying it never occurred to me ever since I made it. For every new species of fauna that I create you seem to destroy 10 other species and wipe them off the face of the Earth. Most of the rivers I created are nothing but poisonous toxic wastes and mass cemeteries today. And for each and every single baby that is born you destroy the lives of a million others. After all, it did not take ‘God’ to kill 11 million people. It took only one of you – one man known as Adolf Hitler. Now that leaves me with the most difficult job of all – protecting the precious lives that you want to destroy. And this mail is a plea from me to you, to let me do this job.

You know what pains me the most? The fact that most of this mass destruction and cruelty takes place in MY NAME. Children, I was only God. You created Shiva, Vishnu, Brahm, Allah, Christ and every one of those 321721519 identities I have today. Did I ever come down in a cloud and roar amidst thunder and lightning that I wanted to be called by any of these names? You gave me those names. You gave me those identities. You made your rules and religions and now, you use the very names you gave me to shed the blood of millions. You built me magnificent temples, majestic mosques and heaven high churches over the graveyards of hundreds of my children, burying them and burning them under the name of Ram and Allah. Children, remember? I made you. It was not the other way round for you to know or fight over my exact birthplace. You pray to me for peace and prosperity. Then you go out and train your children to become suicide bombers and religious terrorists and call that a holy war. What you forget is that a war is only a war. It can never be holy. You name political groups after me, calling yourselves my army. Then you go around humiliating women, raping them in public, robbing them of their rights and treating them like dirt. Do you not remember children, that one of the very forms you created for me, the Arthanareeswara is half woman? Or the deity you worship in hordes every morning is another woman, Kali? You murder and maim, burn and kill, rape and mutilate and then smugly say, We did it for God. I only have one question. What exactly did I, as God, have to do with all this?

The Aesthetics Atheists seem to be a more peaceful group. They do their work and let me do mine. They don’t pray to me and do not make me pray to them. They seem to be ‘cool’, so as to say in Earth lingo. I have only one request to make of you, my children. Do not think I am being impertinent or rude, but mind your own business please. Each one of you. I know to create, I know to destroy and I most certainly do not need your help. You have done enough damage. Let me undo a little of it now. If you cannot see your fellow men as friends and brothers, at least see them as strangers, but not as enemies. If you cannot serve to protect, you don’t have to, but please don’t destroy. If you cannot treat women with dignity and respect, well, there is only one option – please come to me. There is no place for you on Earth.

This is a prayer, children. To you. From the old chap who has the toughest job in the Universe.

With love (that is running out day by day),

God.

P.S. Can I please be addressed only as God hereafter. I don’t remember all those million other names. And frankly, I don’t care.

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