People watching at corn stall in front of Pazhamudhir Cholai:
Mr.Stoned – Rendu corn.(Starts walking away looking like he just landed on Earth from an alien spaceship and for the love of his life, doesn’t understand where he is or what he is doing.)
Corn Guy – Saar, saar… Cup aa stick aa??
Mr.Stoned – uh?? haaa…. Apdi na?
Corn Guy – (picks up a cup in one hand and a whole corn kernel in other hand and posing exactly like these telemarketers selling dandruff creams on tv) Cup aaaaa, stick aaaaa??
Mr.Stoned – Uh… cup (and starts walking away again)
Corn Guy – Saar, yenna flavour?
Mr.Stoned – huh??
Corn Guy – Pepper and saltu, butter and saltu, masala.
Mr.Stoned – (mumbles like his voice is too precious for the world to hear it)Yennavo podunga.
Corn Guy – (slowly starting to sound like my mother when she’s about to yell at me for something) Eating aa packing aa?
Mr.Stoned – Eh?? haaa…. ummm… (looks towards the Fruit stall and starts walking as if he’s attracted towards it by the undiscovered magnetic field of oranges and apples) Yedho pannunga pannunga…
Now Corn Guy starts muttering under his breath and making the corn. Well, i did strain my ears to catch the pleasant things he was saying but unfortunately he wasn’t loud enough. He goes on to pack two cups of plain corn and then got back to his other customers. After a solid 10 mins, our guy comes out of the fruit stall empty handed, walks right next to the corn stall without as much as glancing at it, and continues walking out of the gate.
Corn Guy – Saaarrrr, saaaaaaaarrr……. Yoooooovvvvvvvv!!
Mr. Stoned has safely crossed the road.
Corn Guy – Saavu kraaki, vandhu serraanunga paaru, $#@$#, $$#!# <insert (in)appropriate family/mother/sister scolding here>
My genuine kostin : Ganja vaa illa patta saaraayama??
Ms.Salwar kameez with gym shoes (hereafter referred to as Ms.SKWGS) – Annaaaa…annaaaa
Corn Guy doesn’t seem too pleased with this newly forming paasamalar relationship.
“One cup corn. Half steamed. No pepper. No salt. No butter. No chat masala. ”
Corn guy mutters under his breath ‘Corn aavadhu podalaama illa adhuvum venaama’ which Ms. SKWGS conveniently ignores. He hands her the cup starts to make the next one.
“Annaaa, this corn is too steamed. I want half steamed only.”
Corn guy gives her a blank look and bends down again.
“Can you just take some corn seperately and heat it just for 3 and a half minutes with0ut adding water and give me. Annaaaa?? This is just killing all the nutrients in the corn. It is not at all healthy…”
“Dha paaru maa..Venaaam na vechittu poikittee iru.”
Ms.SKWGS mutters “Kaasu kuduthiten la.. Yaen solla maata” and walks away.
My genuine kostin: Ivlo healthy ya saaptu yenna dhaan saadhikka poreenga??
Very rotund aunty balancing two bags filled with grocery, one more with fruits and yelling into phone while giving instructions to the Corn Guy.
“Oru corn. Cup.” Goes back to yelling into the phone to Chinnu who apparently has chosen not to do the day’s homework.
“Yenna flavor madam? Pepper and saltu, butter and saltu…”
“Butter. Chinnuuuuu, Amma solradhu kekala night pizza vaangi thara maaten. ”
“Madam masala podalaama?”
“B-U-T-T-E-R. CHINUUUU… Kadhula vizhudha illaya daaaaa???”
“Ummmm madam, pepper….”
“BUTTER PODUNGA. YETHANA THADAVA SOLRADHU?? NERAYA PODUNGA. CHINNUU… PIZZA VA UPMA VA? OZHUNGA HOMEWORK PANNU!!”
Now corn guy seems really scared and puts three spoonfuls of butter into the small cup of corn and thrusts it humbly into the aunty’s hands.
She got into a waiting car and screamed at the driver to go to….. well,no points for guessing this one. Pizza Hut.
Ok, We get it. Butter. Cheese. Pizza. Anything fattening.
P.S. No, you are not allowed to ask whether I was so vetti and jobless to eavesdrop on a sweet corn seller’s conversation for so long. It is known. It is understood. Move on.
Moral of the story – Selling corn is a tough job.