Archive for March, 2010

Hahahahahahaaaaa… No I’ve not lost it. I signed into my Gmail today wanting to clear up the mess in my inbox and ended up reading some of the most enlightening, thought provoking, life altering chat conversations I’ve had recently. They were so out of the world that I couldn’t resist posting some here. 😀 😀

Sample 1

This one was after a bessshhht friend who is an ‘almost’ journalist went to a World Cinema film festival with her first free Press Pass. God save World and Cinema!!

me: how did the film festival go?

padam la nalla irundhucha

u shud ve taken A (A, if you are reading this, note how highly I think of your cinema      appreciation sensibilities. 😛 )

he’d have enjoyed it much

R:   orey bore ya

I have realised I don’t have the patience for non commercial cinema man

me: u have patience for nothing non commercial

not just cinema

R: its soooo long and the camera dwells on each subject for at least 30 seconds and u       wanna tear ur hair out. see I don’t have the patience for looking at a man trimming his moustache for more than 2 seconds and 20 seconds of tat is like whoaaa

me: adhu kooda parava illa .. these film critics will write ‘that scene where he’s seen  trimming his moustache is so profound in detail’


me: as if avan meesai vetradhu holds the key to life

R: bulls eye man

one review I read celebrated him trimming his moustache


me: nejamava??



na summa velayaatukku sonaen


R: no man SERIOUS


“Basically he doesn’t want to be bothered. He doesn’t want to take the pains of finding a groom for his sister, which he knows will invite trouble about division of property etc. He is a man who is totally engrossed in himself. Throughout the film you see him preening himself; manicuring his fingers, trimming his moustache; oiling his body. He doesn’t share his fears, dreams or thoughts with anyone. He is obsessed with himself.”


idhu ellam 30 30 seconds ku film la kaatuva


oiling his body

George clooney body a irundha kooda parvailla


me: “the director makes a very subtle yet profound statement by holding his scissors at a 29 degree angle while trimming his moustache in leisure. Shows the vagaries and suffering of having a moustache and trimming it periodically in an understated yet impactful manner”


R: this u wrote a?

me: na art film critic aaga poren ya


can I use it in my review?

me: yeah I wrote



R: 😀

me: it’s the easiest I think

yaarkum puriyaadha madhri pesanum.

Sample 2

Early Monday morning. This girl, another close friend, pings first thing as soon as I switch on the laptop hoping for a good trouble free day. Confirms that my prayers are never ever answered.

K: Life is like a mountain. Reaching its peak is my aim. However trails are difficult to go through. But what’s important are – The lessons I’ve learned, Challenges I’ve experienced, and the people I’m with in my journey.

me: (thinking WTF) good morning de

K: good morning 🙂

paaru kalailaye am giving u such thought provoking quotes


me: :O


yenna koduma sir idhu

25 minutes later… K attacks again. 25 minutes

K: It’s not the presence of someone that brings meaning to life. But the way someone   touches your heart gives LIFE a beautiful meaning.

me: hey yenna di idhellaam??

yenna problem??



asingama thittu vaanga pora ni

K: status messages de

life bore adikkudhu nu sonnela

so am making it lively

me: (????)

Sabba!! What amazing friends I have!! What lengths they go to, to make life interesting for me!! Priceless!!

Sample 3

This again with my gonna-be journo friend after I gave her a link on how Gabtun is on  a recruitment hunt for Captain TV and told her she shouldn’t miss this opportunity of a lifetime for anything in the world. From Gabtun and cricket to Shahid and Priyanka, the bitching never ends. 😀 Srtictly not for Shahid Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra fans.

R: heyyy

Thanks for the link ya

totally saved my life ya

ever grateful a irrupen unnaku na

me: i know yaaaaaaaaaar

R*happy tears in eyes*

me: gabtun roxxxxxxx

R: totally yaar. captain toh ttly roxxx

me: i had those in my eyes too when I saw the link

felr sooooooooooo bad I wasn’t a journalist or into media

😦 u are sooooo lucky…

R: hey wat u rnt typin lik a moron. Lolzzzzz.. wat uncool lik u r typin full spllings and all?


vry vry lcky i m

i knw


R: 😀

me: chennai suxxxxxx

R: yaa. suxxx yaar. so hot dis city

alwys swtin

me: so happie dey lost ystrdy

aye balle balle

R: ya. so gld tat our gony (pnjabi guy na. lolzzzzz) plyed bad shots

me: super kings suxxx wonly cuz it has chennai in its name yaar

R: haan yaar. ttly

me: err

R: and preity wuz lukin soo hottt yaar

and yvraj’s tummy was lik so sexxxy

me: hey yaaaaaaaaar.. that trisha TOTALLY suxxxxxxxxxx (this is actually true)

R: shkin and movin and all

and tat ramesh powar toh luks lik southie only

all black

and yuck like southie


ya. trisha suxxxx, preity roxxxx

me: 😀



R: yenna achu?


me: my senior managers looking at me like I am crazy

R: and yenaala rhomba neram amit madri pesa mudiyadhu


me: I am laughing at the monitor like anything

R: :D. me too


but seriously u should read shahid kapoor’s tweets man

ayyo ayyo

mudiala yennala

me: :O



Don’t tell me

I god damn follow that fellow


R: “I’m Doin rubbish in da song I think but somehow ahmed khan always makes my rubbish look bearable”

😐 😐

I’m also going to from now on

me: lol


dear mr. kapoor one sumaal correcson. u r not doing rubbish. U R rubbish

R: 😀





me: but by rule I am polite on twitter

should just unfollow him I guess

R: ahh. i dont have any such rules. the point is even if I tweet rudely to him, not like he is gonna read and change

me: and EVERYDAY he says “ok tweeps me leavin 4 de day be bak and KEEP IT REALLLLLL”

saniyan avan

R: 😀

me: i feel like asking him man, are you for real?

unna pethaangala senjaangala

R: keep it real a? what the hell does that mean? *censored unprintable question here*


me: that too that good actor pankaj kapoor

I have doubts about his birth these days

R: serious a. perfect a in the middle of UP la oru field lendhu idha thookindu vandhiruppa nu i think. yuckk

me: worse yet is that priyanka chopra


R: heyy. i aint following her

adhuvum ipdi dhaana?

me: me neither

sometimes ppl RT her

I think she SHOULD marry shahid kapoor

the child would be a nightmare

R: lolzzzzzzzzzz


(Good news now is that there’s a Shayad Kapoor on Twitter who deciphers what Shahid Kapoor says and tweets them. Too bad it ends our Shahid bashing.)

Sample 4

A totally demented conversation with dear friend RK avargal. Probably Ayirathil Oruvan effect but I really don’t understand why we started talking like this all of a sudden. That too both of us without any provocation like it was the most natural way to talk in the world.

RK: vanakkam 🙂

nalla irukiya?

me: nandraga ullen veti dog avargale

thaangal epodhum pola vetiyaagave uleergala?

RK: ippadi eppadi paesalam M avargale….naan eppodhum busy busy busy

me: hahahaha

ungal ku ore kaamedy thaan pongal

ka ka ka pooooooo (Pulikesi effect vera.. :D)

RK: he he he…mannaruku konjam kusumbhu adhigam dhaan…:)

me: 😀

veru yenna visesham?

makkal yaavarum nalamaaga ulaargala?

RK: neenga sollunga M?…em makkal anaivarum mika magizhchi odu ullargal

ungal rajiyathilirudhu aethaenum nalla seithi undo?

me: oru nolla seidhi… saari nalla seidhiyum illai mannaa’

makkal migundha bore’l ulllargal

R: he he he…


There are say, 100 plus such conversations which when revealed would lead to serious research on the evolution (or de- evolution) of the human brain. Scintillating questions like ‘What is the difference between tomato puree and tomato ketchup’, in-depth analysis of the mental faculties of others when our own faculties are bad enough to be put under observation, depressing rants, unforgivable mokkais and pure, unadulterated crap. Thank you, you mental people, my friends for all the entertainment these conversations provide long after they’re over. Any time, any day, they always put a wide smile on my face!

So, who are you chatting with now?


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Filmmakers stamp their identity on each film they make. Like how a new born inherits from the gene pool of its parents and has brown eyes like the mother or stubby toes like the father, a film takes its all from the maker. Kids outgrow parents but a film can never outgrow its maker. Quentin Tarantino’s films, for instance, can be sniffed miles away from their format – long witty, thrilling or plain dangerous dialogue portions followed by bursts of brutal violence. His films are like stretching a string to its tautest, breaking point and then suddenly letting go. The violent twang resonates long after the string stops vibrating. James Cameron as we know by now, is more into ‘how you tell a story’ rather than ‘what is the story’. His films are lavish, unbelievably budgeted, shot like a dream and pull masses like a magnet. Trust me, if I had the vision to make a film like Avatar, it wouldn’t have let me sleep peacefully for the entire period I spend making it – which would have been ten years or more. But the man is incredibly collected about it, knows his job and is even gracious enough to put the Oscar snubbing behind and talk of the future already. Back home, a Mani Ratnam work is set apart by its distinct filming. Semi darkness, short one word repartee-like dialogues, urban tales, beautiful cinematography and classy music. Likewise Bharathi Raaja  is inseparable from  his deep baritone, yen iniya thamizh makkale and rural earthy subjects. Shankar is grandiose, Bala is morbid, Balu Mahendra is true to life and so the list goes on. The world is not ignorant to behind-the-screen geniuses anymore. When ManiRatnam made Dil Se with the mighty Shah Rukh Khan, It was and is still known more as the director’s product than the superstar actor’s. ‘A film by’ is no longer a push-over tag.

Last week, I managed to catch a film which had its maker’s name written in pink comic sans font with a Mont Blanc limited edition pen all over it. A film raved implausibly by critics who called even the few who lashed out at the film ‘perennial pessimists’, a film which orchestrated a much higher octane drama outside the theatres rather than inside them, the very Indian film by the very patriotic maker who chooses to wail down at least one Bharat Mata song at a crucial crunch scene in his film but premieres his films outside the country. The film which saw the usually ruthless Bollywood churn out whole hearted support to the superstar who knows he’s been proved right when he unabashedly calls himself the Badshah of Bollywood. The film though at the risk of sounding megalomaniac, is very aptly titled My Name is Khan.

With MNIK, they say, Karan Johar has broken away the shackles which bound him to designer clothes and glass palaces. I say, Eh? Mr. Johar undoubtedly stamps his name all over his product with perfectly manicured, rolex wearing hands but is that any indication that the end product spells class? As the film closed, the last frame freezing at ‘A Karan Johar film’, I remember thinking warily ’Right. Like we couldn’t see this all along.’

You know it’s absolutely a Karan Johar film when

Shah Rukh Khan is lovingly caressed by the camera from all possible angles and directions with unending close ups. It’s as though the camera has a love affair with him and thinks it’s a sin to shoot even a single frame without him in it.

There is ALWAYS a song being sung in chorus to ruin a perfectly well shot poignant moment. I loved that scene in church when SRK eulogises about his dead son in that typical Asperger’s way and just when we have those tears welling up at the corner of our eyelids and the lips start to quiver (very SRK-ish, I know) they start holding hands and singing ‘We shall overcome’ happily as if it was some strange fancy dress party in a Church. All the pain and suffering that was so evident a moment ago is conveniently forgotten. To top it up, the Americans sing in English and SRK in Hindi. I felt like this Bakra victim on MTV. Next time Johar plans to ruin such a scene, I think he should just make an appearance on screen and say, “Ok, now here comes the patriotic song I promised to keep in the movie. Wipe away the tears. This is a happy, hope giving, la-la-la chorus song. Enjoy.”

Rizwan Khan(SRK) travels day and night, hitching rides and on foot many a days, repairing his way through money but miraculously manages to stay as fresh as a newly blooming lily through all this. Face always cleanly shaven, make-up impeccably hiding his age and designer jackets to keep warm. He’s even punched on the nose once by a policeman and bleeds but by the time he’s in jail the bleeding is gone and everything is ‘made up’. Not a scar, not a swelling. When Kajol cries, a drop of tear runs down one corner of her left eye taking care not to ruin the mascara. When SRK is beaten up, blood trickles down his right nostril artistically so that maybe we wouldn’t have to feel his pain. And even when Kajol  laments hysterically, holding her son’s dead body in her hands, she wears a perfectly tailored pure white blouse without a single crease, with the hair styled perfectly and not a strand out of place. We are never allowed a glimpse of what Mandira goes through, what Rizwan’s life is or what post 9/11 life means. All we can see is the larger than life ShahRukh Khan, Kajol in  Gucci, Louis Vitton and Manish Malhotra as the camera worships them frame after frame.  If not a karan Johar film, what else is this?

ShahRukh Khan needs to meet the President. Ok. But why is he made to sit writing letters in the Arizona desert for that? IS the President going to be there to inaugurate a new irrigation project? And why should he pedal a bicycle to motor out rain water? Was it stone age when electricity couldn’t be used to power motors? You can pedal a bicyle all day long to punp out water, stupid. Only thing, the work’s done faster using electricity. And not knowing that is not brilliant but plain moronic and stupid.

So there. It’s a Karan Johar film all the way. He scares me more when he’s making these so-called sensitive issue based movies than when he’s making those KKHH’s and K3G’s. At least you didn’t have to take those seriously.

P.S. I did like MNIK. No, really. SRK has nice dimples. And I loved his duck-walk in the film. So cute!

P.P.S. Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy are getting so boring and repetitive. Yawn.

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Things that couldn’t bring me out of self-imposed exile from blogging.

1. The stupendous success of Vinnaiththaandi Varuvaaya.VTV songs on every channel every minute of the day, VTV specials all the time, VTV ringtones and caller tunes all around! But strangely, though I liked the film, I didn’t even feel like tweeting or buzzing , let alone blogging about it when the whole of Tamil Nadu was obsesssing over the movie. It was then that I realised I had a blogging block which would be a tad too difficult to shake off.

2. The Great Indian Budget. Yawn.

3. New Secretariat Building. The extremely fascinating battery car which had the Chief Minister, Prime Minister and the Master Pupeteer huddled into it like these small kids in theme park toy cars, was a very tempting attraction, yes. But not tempting enough to blog yet.Instead of blogging, all I did was to have macabre sinister thoughts on how that would have been an ideal assasination location for terrorists who wanted to finish off 3 major thala(vali)s of the Nation in one go.

4. IPL and the overflowing love for Kolkata Knight Riders. The Go KKR’s and Korbo Lorbo somethings that people seem to be throwing at SRK on twitter ever since IPL started, made me want to scratch my nails on a wall. But no sir, it sure didn’t make me want to blog about it.

5. The five crore Mayawati garland. This one was real juicy with all the makings of a masala potboiler. The chauvinistic cruel landlord surrounded by goons, evil Akshaykumar like laughter, poor people huddling around at the mansion gates in pouring rain waiting for a glimpse of the landlord, he abusing them and kicking… errr… Glad I didn’t actually write a blogpost about it right? Right.

6. Absolutely utter monotony in life. Wake up.Work at home.Eat. Work at office.Eat.Work at home.Eat. Sleep. This day after day, month after month. Now if THIS couldn’t get me back to blogging, what on Earth could? Nothing? I thought so too.

But apparently there was one such thing. It might be old news but it caught my attention only today and it got me soooooo worked up and soooooooo excited that I almost shed copious tears of joy and relief and typed out this post in 5 minutes flat. At a time of unforeseen economic downtime and recession since the Great Depression of the 1930’s, at a time filled with political tensions and worldwide wars, at a time of great disparity of living standards with the depths of suffering and the heights of luxury co-existing among one another, here comes the ONE and ONLY hope. The one ultimate solution to end all pain and suffering. The one most potent device to wipe out all terrorists from the face of the world and send them all to moon with a mighty kick. The one stop shop to alleviate poverty, abolish racism and uplift people. The one and only means of deflecting hurricanes and tsunamis back to the ocean, protecting the environment from global warming and stopping alarming weather changes. The one event of utmost national/international/inter-galactic importance.

It is THIS

Now the world can be saved at the flick of the wrist and the remote control. Kids will stop crying, damaged old pieces will die immediately, Pakistan terrorists will jump into the Indian Ocean and kill themselves in the tornado that Gabtun re-directed there from Arizona. Aal Praablam salved attu tha touch aaf yae button. Gabtun TV is here. Aaauuunnn. What more do you want?

And if  THIS doesn’t get me to write a post, what will?

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